Before babies, women typically invest much more time into their friendships so that they flourish wildly. It’s easy to go out to dinner on a whim or grab a cup of coffee. And while we value these relationships even more after the children come along, we simply can’t put the same kind of time and energy into them. Balancing the kids, job, house, and spouse becomes paramount. The girls’ trips, fun nights out, and even casual dinners become sparse — just like the sleep we get.
When I talk about these trips to some people I get, “But you’re married and have a kid.” Or, “How does your husband feel about these [girls’] trips?” Or “Who will look after your kid and Husband” Or “How will your In-laws accept this”. I even had one older gentleman tell me that taking such trips was not in line with what a married woman should be doing. In Indian society its almost equivalent to sin. Of course, I shrug all those comments off and proceed to book my flights and reserve the next excursion. Grant it, I didn’t grow up hearing about or seeing married women in my life partake in these events, but that was a different time.
In the true spirit of friendship, these little break always can be quite a blessing! Especially when you’re with other married/virtuous women. I personally find it very therapeutic to off-load to trusted friends. Having high expectations for yourself to be a good wife and mother can sometimes be exhausting. So, surrounding yourself with women who encourage, embrace and emulate being a good spouse is who you want to have in your circle. If not, you run the risk of focusing on all the negative things about your marriage/your spouse and going back home with an attitude!
Do I believe in quality time and romantic getaways with your significant other? Of course I do! Do I also believe in getting the girls together to luxuriate in the kid-free/husband-free zone with non-stop laughs, hugs and celebration of each other? Yes, I do! You should encourage your spouse to take time away from the throes of everyday life. Send your mate off with his cousins/collegues or childhood friends to re-fuel and come back relaxed and renewed. While this isn’t for everyone, it works for us!
Planning a girls’ trip with a group full of busy mothers is like solving the Rubik’s Cube. It’s daunting, but possible. You can even take it upon yourself to be the planner of the group. Make it happen. It’ll be worth it. I know it was for me.
Consider the below aspects
- First and foremost, it’s totally normal. It is perfectly healthy for a married couple to choose to take a separate vacation. If you are interested and your partner is not interested in the type of vacation you want, you can definitely ditch him and have a vacation you want once in a while. We are great together, but we are also strong and independent individuals.
- We both have similar interests but separate interests as well – In my case, I love to travel all over the world, but my spouse doesn’t like to travel outside India. We have similar travel interest, yet separate as well, so I travel out of India with my Babes 😊.
- Don’t find excuses – As I said earlier below questions are common.
- “What will others think?” Is, going to girls trip equivalent of murdering some one? Why do you care what others think? Think what you need. You are not committing a sin here.
- “Who will look after your kid and Husband” – Your husband is equally responsible in taking care of your kid. If he doesn’t know how to do it, then he will learn when you are away. Let him be independent and be in your shoe for a while.
- “How will I arrange money for this” – This is the most common question I get every time I travel. Cut down your shopping, check on your need and want and save the money. If you are earning, then its simple, start saving for your trip every month, create a SIP for travel. If you can create and SIP for other things, why not for this? If you are not earning, you can save on the household expenses. Just have a check on your 3 months expenditure, you will get to know where & how much to save or ping me, will give you ideas 😉
- “How to convince my In-laws” – Convince her husband first. If you feel like you can’t get through to your in-laws, ask your spouse to talk to them. If spouse make a request, they may be more willing to listen and hear them out. They may even agree to give a supporting hand in taking care of kids. Its not like you can’t do it at all. You can, give it a try.
4. Be selective with your vacation plans & buddies – Choose a place that all of you are interested in. Don’t just assume that the other person wouldn’t enjoy it — check it out first! Before assuming that your desired destination or experience would not be interesting to your other friends, consider spending time together along with being safe is paramount.
Every one’s wavelength may not be same. If you go with a wrong person, you will die of boredom or have misunderstanding all the time. Choose wisely.
5. Plan on your own: Don’t go with any travel agencies. Sit together and plan your own travel, stay, food and other arrangements. It’s a learning for you and you get to spend more time with you buddies doing it and it feels more satisfying to cover all places you needed. It’s way more work because you have to do everything yourself, its worth it, give it a try.
6. It’s dangerous to travel, especially all woman– It’s a common statement you will hear if you tell all travellers are females. It is critical to understand that safety is not the same as comfort. Just because a place is “safe,” doesn’t mean you won’t encounter different cultural norms that make you uncomfortable. It also doesn’t mean that crime doesn’t happen. The truth of the matter is you can be unsafe anywhere at any time. This doesn’t mean you should stop traveling or avoid going. Be open, discuss and take maximum safety measures.
Never be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life- It’s never a matter of money, it about courage. Ridiculous outfits/ getting ready together/eating crap/ sharing products /free flowing conversation /making a mess/ complaining about your partner— Just a little healthy complaining. Just a little time to discuss how annoying it is with spouse, you’ve got to let it out! What better way than a girl’s trip. Think about it. Make it happen. It’ll be worth it. I know it was for me.